Tuesdays with Sheila

Tuesday was another chemo day for Sheila. After a 5 a.m. spin class (her, not me) and a morning smoothie I picked her up at 8:15 for the trek to Swedish Medical. Once again she went through the routine like the star that she is although this day was a bit different.

Our first stop was at the dermatologist to have stitches removed due to a mole removal she had more than a week ago. She is fine, THANKFULLY. But it was quite a scare--the mole had a lot going against it in terms of color, shape, size, etc. but again, NO WORRIES now.

Then the usual routine began--to the lab, see the doc, and then to chemo (pop a pill, receive anti nauseau meds and then the "cocktail" of chemo begins). We spend a lot of time swapping stories, flipping through mags, over hearing conversations of others--some people shoot the breeze as though they were chatting over coffee and others share their very difficult struggles and diagnosis and how hard it is to traverse the path they're on. Sheila handles each step with such grace.

Her white blood count was down some yesterday so she was only able to receive half of her chemo treatment but as one lovley, upbeat, and courageous patient also getting her chemo treatment pointed out to me after we expressed slight disappointment, "A half treatment is better than no treatment; always look for the silver lining in this process."

Sheila went in for a shot early Weds. to help boost her white blood cell count. I shot her a text to check in on her. Her reply: "Doing well! Got shot first thing this a.m. to boost white cells. Feeling Fine!"

Clearly, Sheila is seeking the silver lining herself. Rock on, sister, as you continue to Stomp This!

Flower Power!

As you can see from the photo above, I decided to ditch the wig for a day. The wedding Jason, Oliver and I attended over the weekend in Steamboat Springs, Colo., called for “creative attire.” I couldn’t think of a better way to make a statement.

The photo below is me with the artist, Dave Hughes. He is a close friend of Jason and also the mastermind behind the “StompThis!” artwork on this blog. Talented, isn’t he?

This was the first time I have left the house without my wig. I rarely even leave the house with a scarf, except to go to the gym. It was pretty scary. I tried to act confident, but I felt really exposed knowing that 100 people were going to be staring at me and wondering what my story was. Countless people came up to me and said they liked it, and even strangers asked me about it. Probably the most memorable was a man, probably 70, who came up to me and could barely speak. He just shook his head over and over and said, “That’s just so great! It’s…just great! God damn it, that’s just so damn great!”

Despite the rave reviews, the wig is back on today and will likely stay there until my hair grows back. Which shouldn’t be long – it’s already starting to come back in pretty quickly.

Back to the wedding. The event was spectacular, and the bride and groom were glowing. We were treated to a two-night stay in a fabulous condo – one of about eight units that were filled with about 80 wedding guests. Each morning, the families of the bride and groom hosted a wonderful breakfast buffet – pancakes one day, breakfast burritos the next. Friday night, we were guests at a barbecue. During the day, we relaxed by the pool. The weather was beautiful the whole time.

We drove to the wedding from Loveland with Jason’s parents, who have known the groom and his family for decades. It was great to have some extra time to visit with them, and fun for Oliver to have Grandma Alice and Grandpa Roger there. The drive home took us through Rocky Mountain National Park and across Trail Ridge Road – at over 12,000 feet, the highest continuously paved road in North America. At the top, we were so high that we were above the tree line. Several feet of snow lined the road, and we hopped out into the 41 degree air so Jason and Oliver could have a quick snowball fight. We took a few photos – look at the majestic mountains in the background!

The night before we left on vacation, I attended my second “Young Survival Coalition” meeting at Gilda’s Club. Again, I was impressed with the group of women. No tears – just a lot of laughs and support. A nutritionist spoke to us for an hour about nutrition for cancer survivors. Most of the information she gave had to do with keeping cancer from recurring or even taking hold in the first place – information relevant for anyone concerned with staying healthy. In my opinion, it doesn’t hurt to hear this information from time to time. I tend to forget how important nutrition is unless I’m reminded every so often. Here are a few things I learned that I’d like to share with you.

Did you know that there was a spike in cancers post-World War II when farming practices changed and chemical use became more prevalent? This was when cows – who traditionally grazed on grass in pastures – were moved into feed lots, fed an unnatural diet of corn, and pumped full of hormones and antibiotics to counteract the cheap and fast feeding methods. Same thing with chickens and pigs: they were put into pens and raised in a new way that was faster and cheaper. In short, humans’ protein sources were now eating cheap, unnatural food. As a result, their flesh (and their products such as milk and eggs) became devoid of essential vitamins like Omega-3 fatty acids that come from grass, bugs, and other natural food sources. Such vitamins are vital in humans, and if the animal flesh doesn’t have them, we aren’t getting them.

The nutritionist who spoke stressed the importance of eating organic animal products. In fact, she said if you make only a slight shift towards an organic lifestyle, it should be with eggs, dairy and meat. It will be more expensive, but view it as an investment in your health. If cost is an issue, set your priorities. You might need to make some sacrifices. Do you need cable television? Those magazine subscriptions? Meat does not have to be central to every meal. Add more vegetables, grains and legumes to your diet instead, and you will barely notice the added expense.

When buying organic food, it’s often tricky to decipher the labels. “Grass-fed beef” may not mean the animal is grazing peacefully in a pasture for its entire life. In fact, it may mean the animal is raised in a feed lot and given dried grass in addition to its corn diet. Below are a few key words to look for when buying organic animal products:

Meat: Look for the labels “100 percent grass fed.” The flesh of cows that eat only grass is almost as rich in Omega-3s as wild salmon!

Chicken/eggs: Seek out those labeled “Free range,” “No antibiotics” and “No hormones.”

Salmon: Always make sure the label says “Wild.” Farmed fish don’t get the same nutrition as wild salmon do. Any fish from Alaska is guaranteed to be wild, as fish farms are not allowed in the state.

This nutritionist’s opinion on supplements mirrors that of my naturopath: try to get as much of your vitamins from food sources themselves. That said, the one supplement she does recommend is fish oil; specifically cod liver oil. Quality is important, she said, and buying reputable brands such as Carlson’s or Nordic Naturals is a good idea. These and other high-quality brands have been tested for purity and are guaranteed to include the nutrients printed on the label. Oftentimes, the label will say if the supplement has been tested. Look for it.

Lastly, the nutritionist stressed the importance of protein in one’s diet as an anti-inflammatory. Low-fat meats and beans are important, as they are good sources of protein. She also mentioned that sugar cravings of those with diets high in protein are greatly reduced! I am giving this a try, as eliminating sugar from my diet continues to be an uphill battle. A high-protein breakfast: eggs, chopped veggies and a little cheese baked in muffin tins at 350 degrees until they stop jiggling when wiggled. These mini-frittatas can be wrapped individually and refrigerated, then heated up in the morning for a quick, high-protein breakfast. I’m going to make some this week!

As I type this, I am at Swedish Medical Center receiving dose seven of Abraxane. After this, just five more to go. The countdown continues…

June 1, 2009

Update
As I suspected, the Gilda’s Club meeting was much more my speed. The session I attended was for breast cancer patients and survivors under 40. The group was vibrant, fun, fearless and positive thinkers. There were no tears, few complaints and a lot of laughter. It was very casual, and I felt very comfortable. I plan to go back for the next meeting June 10.

I’ve been doing really well since my last post. I backed off the exercise and have been walking daily instead of trying to exercise the way I used to. I have also been napping for about an hour every other day or so. As a result, I’ve had a lot more energy and my blood counts are remaining steady. I did lose my voice over the weekend, however. I’m not sure if it is because of the chemo or a virus. In any case, I’ve spent the past couple days whispering instead of talking.

My mom is coming with me to my sixth infusion tomorrow. After this I will be halfway through the 12 Abraxane infusions! I have the following week off, then only six treatments after this one, with a week break after number nine. After tomorrow, I think I will finally feel like this whole ordeal is winding down instead of dragging on and on.

The three of us are going to a wedding in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, June 11-15. I am looking forward to a vacation – it’s been a long time since we’ve had one!

Something Lost, Something Gained

May 21, 2009

After trying my hardest to get the hang of meditation, I decided to give it up until another time. I had been taking a Monday night class, but had started becoming very jaded about it. I was putting far too much pressure on myself to “get” it, and it just wasn’t coming. Instead of going to the class with an open mind, I was approaching the process annoyed and frustrated. I couldn’t seem to snap out of my bad attitude, so I decided to stop going. It wasn’t doing me any good to spend two hours angry. I do see the value of it, but just can’t do it right now. I plan to do a little reading about meditation and hopefully pick it up again a few months down the line.

I’ve marked meditation off my list, but decided to take up the support group circuit. I have avoided support groups until now because I did not want to surround myself with more cancer talk. However, I realized I was constantly thinking about cancer anyway, and that it would probably be good to be talking to other people who have been in my shoes. I attended a support group at Swedish yesterday, but it was actually only one other person and myself. The other patient who was there was an annoying Pollyanna who said she is told by all her doctors that she has a fantastic outlook and positive attitude. Well, goody for you. The session was moderated by a social worker intern who could not have been older than 20. When I walked into the room, I felt the same way I do when I walk into the aerobics room and notice there’s a substitute. Trapped, and too late to turn around and leave! I sat through the painful 90 minute session, enduring the awkward pauses and listening to Miss Perfect talk about how she likes to crack jokes with her friends to keep the mood light. Thankfully I am planning to go to different group at Gilda’s Club next Wednesday that is sure to be a little more vibrant. This one is especially for women under 40. I exchanged emails with the group leader, and she said there are four other women with the triple negative diagnosis. I think I will be more comfortable there.

Taking the previous week off was a good decision. I had a ton of energy and felt normal again. When I went in for my infusion Tuesday, my blood counts had gone back up to more normal levels. Oliver came with me to this treatment on the advice of several of the oncology nurses. It was good for him to see what “chemo” really meant. He met a lot of nice people and realized that it’s just not all that exciting! I think he was most excited about taking the morning off school.

Jason and I are looking forward to a Mariners’ game Friday night and a relaxing weekend in the sun!

Minor Setback

May 13, 2009

Things didn’t go quite as planned at my appointment this Tuesday. I had my port accessed and blood drawn, but when I saw my doctor right before the infusion, he decided to cancel the treatment. My blood counts hadn’t dropped further from the week before (and my white cell count was actually up a point) but my energy level was so low that he said if I went through this treatment without a break, I’d end up a “puddle on the floor.” That didn’t really appeal to me, but neither did canceling the treatment and tacking another week onto the end of my schedule. But so it goes. I do think it is for the best: it’s only Wednesday and already I am feeling like I am getting some energy back. My taste buds seem to be rebounding as well – something had been “off” the past few weeks, and everything just tasted odd. Most people’s weekly treatments include a week off every few treatments, so this isn’t unusual. I guess my doctor was just going to see how much I could take.

I have had to cancel a few appointments and lunch dates in the past week because I have been so tired. I also took on quite a load of work (bad timing!), thinking that this round of treatments would be so much easier. The Abraxane is easier in a way: it doesn’t require the use of steroids to offset nausea, so I don’t feel drugged up and weird. But the steroids with the last round did give me a certain amount of energy for a few days following the treatment. So it is a trade-off. For awhile I was certain that feeling tired would not be such a big deal, but I had forgotten that fatigue takes its toll in many ways: constant headaches, moodiness, forgetfulness, etc. By mid-week last week, I was really getting weary just walking up the hill to Oliver’s bus stop. Last Thursday morning I took a spinning class at the gym and overdid it – I felt horrible the rest of the day and never really snapped out of it. In the past, I have used intense exercise to deal with stress or uneasiness. That outlet it not available to me anymore, and I have yet to find something to replace it. This continues to be a journey.

Call it “chemo brain” or just the effects of being tired, but this situation does produce some light comedy. See below:

I tossed some recyclables into the linen closet instead of the recycle bin.
I put the jam on the pantry shelf instead of in the refrigerator.
I asked my friend Jennifer repeatedly if she really did like sushi, forgetting that our friendship is practically defined by our regular trips to Sushi Land.
I have heated up tea in the microwave a number of times, but have forgotten it is in there until I find the cup sometime around dinnertime.
I got “snack week” at Oliver’s school wrong by an entire week, actually shopping, preparing and sending off snacks for his class one week before I was scheduled.
I called Oliver’s after-school program “Captain Kangaroo” instead of “Captain Caveman,” prompting all sorts of questions and dating myself considerably.

May 6, 2009

My third abraxane infusion was Tuesday and everything is going fairly well. I still do not have any nausea or “drugged” feelings from this round. My red blood cell count came up a bit, which has kept me from needing a blood transfusion. My white cell count has dropped considerably over the past several weeks, but that can be remedied with a small shot (I had white blood cell booster shots after each AC infusion). As for now, my counts are within range, so no action is being taken.

I have been pretty tired lately, and my energy level is low. I’ve continued to exercise, but it is a lot harder than it has been in the past. Even walking Oliver up the hill to the bus stop gets me winded.

I’ve taken on quite a bit of work, which probably wasn’t the smartest move, but it is keeping me busy and distracted.

Lately I have been really wishing I had my hair back. I am getting very tired of this wig. The novelty has worn off, and it feels ratty and messy. I looked for a new wig at a shop near Pike Place, but they were cheap and looked really fake. I miss putting my hair in a ponytail or styling it. Back when I had hair, I rarely kept the same style or color for more than a couple months. I miss shampoo! Conditioner! Smoothing serum! My hairdryer! Flat iron!

It is so tiring to have a small child amidst all this – especially one as whiney as Oliver. He’s gotten into this habit where he whines at everything and it drives me up the wall.

Saturday I am going on a training walk for the Breast Cancer 3-Day – a group is meeting at Woodland Park and walking seven miles. My teammate, Carol, is coming as well as Brenda (who is volunteering at the 3-Day as a crew member) and Katherine – who we may convince to join out team. Come on, Katherine!!

The rest of the weekend is filled with birthday parties and play dates. Hope the weather is nice!

Costco?

Things are much better now that I have had a nap...!

Any chance anyone in the area is going to Costco in the next few days? I don't have a membership and would love to get a big bottle of Vitamin D...