This is a tear jerker as Sheila inspires once again--here she goes:
On the calendar Jason printed off for me to keep track of cancer-related appointments and therapies, I drew a big skull and crossbones on the date of my diagnosis: January 13.
Jason noticed my amateurish artwork the other day and laughed.
“Personally, I put a pink “C” on that date in my calendar,” he said.
Clearly, we both have very different takes on this whole cancer thing.
I’m not typically a pessimist. When faced with adversity, the first thing I usually do is try and figure out a way to make things OK. When I got diagnosed, however, several days went by during which I felt that things were not OK by a long shot. I was really reeling from the fact that my tumor was a “triple negative” tumor that would not respond to estrogen-blocking treatments. Not only does that limit the treatment options, but these types of cancers tend to recur more often. When I learned of this, all the positive things I had heard about my diagnosis were forgotten. I fixated on the possibility of recurrence – which may or may not be a possibility several years down the road. Jason, on the other hand, took heart in the survival rate statistics, which were pretty close to those of those with ER/PR positive tumors. He also kept reminding me that the cancer had not spread beyond the lymph nodes. Not to the liver. Not to the ovaries. Not to the bone. Nowhere.
Over the past several days, I’ve started to gain a more upbeat outlook. We’re changing our diet to include more antioxidants and known cancer-fighting foods. I’m starting to think about things other than cancer every waking moment, and I’m feeling as physically strong as ever. In short, I am feeling that through diet, exercise and stress management, I have more control over the outcome of this ordeal, and that it is not the automatic death sentence I had thought initially.
So I think I am going to go borrow Jason’s pink pen. I’m going to need it for the big pink “V” for “victory” I’m going to put on my calendar six months from now.
Friday, February 13, 2009
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3 comments:
I just clicked over having looked at your wedding photos on Facebook and thought just how amazingly happy you, Jason and Oliver look in those photos. I smiled at the leis around your necks and laughed (and cried) at Jason's Honeymoon post and thought, yep, I'd be the one writing the skull and cross bones on the calendar, turning off the phone and hiding under my comforter for the foreseeable future, but you have not and your tenacity (and apparently your new anti-oxidant diet) will get you through this.
Speaking of antioxidants for what it's worth, holler if you need a juicer that is pulverizing nothing but dust in my food pantry. My erstwhile, dear friend in London swore by juicing for her cancer treatment but then she ate a macro-biotic diet and was a little nutty herself (as indeed are all Brits!)
Got my big pink pen out too for your Victory Day celebration six months from now and shall be cheering from the sidelines.
I've got "celebrate in September" engraved on the brain. In pink!
We simply cannot wait for your V-day party! We're here for you now through the process too - the equivalent of social antioxidants! We love you and your beautiful family. The wedding photos are gorgeous. You are stomping this!!!
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