Moms in Maui

August 24, 2009

Sheila here...

We’ve been back from Maui for a week now, and it’s been difficult to get the images of that paradise vacation out of my mind: the waves crashing ashore at Kapalua Bay Beach, the sound of the waterfall at the hotel pool, the smell of the plumeria flowers in the air.

And the woman at the dive shop.

One morning Jason and I got up early and headed into Lahaina to rent scuba gear before heading to the island’s South Beach area for some snorkeling. We popped into Snorkel Bob’s and headed over to the display of dive masks when I saw her.

A cancer mom.

As one myself, I know how to spot them a mile away. No hair, usually a cap of some kind, no eyebrows, no eyelashes. Jason’s getting good at this game too: he noticed her port-a-cath scar. She also had three young kids with her, and they were with an older man – likely the woman’s father. I guessed they were on a family vacation of some sort. The older man’s gaze lingered on me and I could tell exactly what he was thinking: “She doesn’t have hair or eyelashes either.”

I kept stealing glances at the mom until our eyes met from across the store. Mask in my hand, flippers in hers, we looked at other for a few seconds. We both smiled at each other. She winked at me. I winked back.

Then I went out to the car and cried.

There was another woman facing the same thing I was facing. And I knew just how she felt. I knew she was mustering up all the energy she had to make sure her kids were having fun. I knew she would be sitting at the pool, laughing with her family, even though she knew in the back of her head that she had a disease that wasn’t the least bit funny. She’d get tired and turn in early while the rest of her friends and family were raising glasses on the lanai. And when she got a moment, she’d close her eyes and listen to the sound of the crashing waves and her kids and her husband playing in the sand and hold that moment close, knowing that what is happening RIGHT NOW is what matters the most.

I cried because that woman is me. And there are millions more of them out there. And sadly, there will be millions more to come. We are busy women. Active women. Women who work, have children, raise children, volunteer at co-ops, pack our kids’ lunches, set up playdates, make dinner, pay bills, return library books on time, discover the perfect coffee shop, plan vacations and clean out the litter box. We are the generation that is raising the next one. It’s an important job. We don’t have time to put our lives on hold for 10 months while we face surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, scans and doctors’ appointments.

But there she was. The cancer mom. She still packed her bags, got someone to watch the pets, cancelled the newspaper delivery, asked the neighbor girl to take in the mail, threw some fruit leather and Highlights into her carry-on and flew to Maui. She celebrated her family, the warm breeze, the clean pathology report and her luggage that arrived on time.

That wink said it all.

In other news…

My second MRI – the one of my brain – came back all clear. I am officially cancer-free! I had a six-month check-up with my surgeon last Thursday and everything looks good. Friday I went in for my radiation “mapping” procedure, during which I was measured and scanned in preparation for radiation treatment to start Sept. 1. My standing appointment each weekday is 2:30 p.m., and it is expected that it will only take about 30 minutes each time start to finish. My last day will be sometime around Oct. 16 (happy birthday Jason!).

Maui was unbelievable. Oliver stayed with Grandma and Grandpa and Jason and I had a great time at the pool, walking on beaches, running trails, hiking to blowholes, watching luaus, and especially attending the beach wedding of friends Jason and Kendra! It was an incredibly relaxing vacation filled with warm weather, good food and better company. We were both disappointed to leave, but are finding comfort in the fact that we get to go back to the islands for our wedding re-do in January/February!

The end of summer is near, with Oliver in gymnastics camp this week and Labor Day just around the corner. Jason and I will say goodbye to summer with a trip to the Gorge on Sept. 5 to see the Dave Matthews Band. School starts Sept. 9 and the much-anticipated 3-Day walk is Sept. 11-13.